We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
