Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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