I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
