I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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