I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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