I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my liver is dry heaving
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
