What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's the barista slut.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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