Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
