thus making me awesome and them whores
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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