do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize