Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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