Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
