Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
