its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
