If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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