I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
