Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
