Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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