its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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