Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
