I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
