I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize