Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
