your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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