I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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