Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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