PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
