took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
