brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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