Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
