If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
