Cold hands, warm shart.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
