we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
