I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
