I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize