Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
