Porn is love you can see.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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