Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize