I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
