guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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