The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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