Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize