Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize