my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
