also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
