fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
