I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
