sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
