I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
