I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
