You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
