Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
