I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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