I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
