8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
