i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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