I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
