I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
