I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize