I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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