Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
