so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This house was built for laser tag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
