well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
