I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
