before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
