I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
