Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
