Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
